GameBoyXEpic

Conversationalist

Location: Interwebs

Joined Jan 11, 2013 at 07:55PM EST

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I couldn't remember the time I came back to this place. I was… lost. I couldn't recall what my life was around 2014-2019. Maybe I was in such a deep repressive state that I couldn't bear to see myself in that part of my life. I couldn't help but to think about the past decade ago. That the only time I have fondness in this place when I was more preoccupied by my own bullshit than to dealing with everyone else's. I just login, find memes and fanart of my favorite shows and games, show them to my friends – well, formerly friends, I doubted that they'll ever be friends with me after all the shit I did.
I wish I could make something of myself. but given the life I was raise, I was revoke of any possibility of making a life I really wanted to be. For the sake of her safety, more so than my actual well being. but I hate living here. I hate that this is what my life has become. uneventful, and all I have is this blue fucking screen making up so much of my life. I used to have a really bad perception about others. I wish I could made up of all the mistakes I did. But all I can do is move forward.

I really have no one to talk to, except for my own morbid thoughts. I was think about them for so long til I don't even know who I was even thinking about. that's when I start thinking about myself and the many flaws and insecurities about me. I hate myself in a way I want express it. Even if it’s deeply concerning. and that's the day I realized that the only thing that can change one's own life for the better is their own wiliness to become a better self. I couldn’t stand doing nothing any longer. I feel I have changed. Equally for the better and worst. But when I try to recollect any familiarity I used to had, I came back here. To a place I hardly remember. The site is still the same. Is just that the community and the people I used to know is no longer here. I But after so many years. I come to realize something. is not that I don't belong. Is that… I'm not welcome here anymore.





And that's why, I finally decided what will define me. what I am all along. A ████████. I let qilphoth in me to grow. I let it bind my head. I let it life me with temptation.
And now, all I can see is down there.