VOL 1 | ISSUE 2
NEWZ 🎱 BRIEF
FOGGIEST BOTTOM, WASHDZ — The ruling administration told Congress in a public hearing recently that the Foreign Ministry plans to shrink its worldwide footprint from Medium-Wide to Small-Narrow and slash the diplomacy and development budget in half by the end of the fiscal year. “There had been a profligate spending in diplomacy and development over the last five decades, and look where we are,” Foreign Minister Hawwy said in his prepared statement.
To that end, the agency is beta-testing new types of housing for its overseas employees as Foreign Minister Hawwy presses ahead with his task of slashing the overall agency budget, according to people familiar with the matter.
“We should get back to the basic standard design of roof and walls,” FM Hawwy responded to reporters when asked why they are testing new housing options for their employees. “What is wrong with houses with open floor plans that give a sense of spaciousness?” he asked.
Representation is a key diplomatic function for many employees abroad who must develop personal relationships with host- and third-country officials in order to advance their countries policies. Critics of the new plan are worried that the new housing could jeopardize not only Republic Z’s standing, but also the representational function, and the security of diplomatic personnel overseas.
A senior adviser for the Foreign Ministry who would only speak on background said that diplomatic security remains a top priority. The adviser explained that while they are shrinking funding in “every cupboard and every corner” possible, there will always be funding available for residential 18-foot walls, and concertina wires for wall toppers.
“Do you have the protection you need to do your job? If you do, what’s working and if you don’t, what more do you need — a bazooka? If so, you’ll get it,” the adviser confidently said. The beta-testing will run starting the winter rotation cycle to afford employees the opportunity to make needed arrangements.
Reading The Wicked Wasabi may result in occasional fun or indigestion.
It is not intended for readers over 18 years of age
without a fully developed sense of humor.